Being An Anomaly

Anomaly – “Something that deviates from what is standard, normal or expected”

People have often half-jokingly referred to me as an anomaly.  I’m not like most people, they say.  And I guess I agree that I view the world and the relationships in my life differently than most people.

I believe that the world is made up of all kinds of people, each on their own journey.  That is what makes this world amazing and intriguing.  I have never thought that for two people to be successful together, that they must believe in the same things.  I have thought quite the opposite, actually.  Because for me – life is always about learning and growing as a person.  I have long since felt that a partner who challenges you to grow and rethink (or reframe) your perspective over time is a better partner.  Our differences should not divide us – they should bring us together.

Sometimes I wonder if I expect too much from people.  I had a long conversation with my dad the other evening.  Both he and my moms have echoed one another throughout my life.  My dad has often said “you’re not easy to live with”, but quickly follows that with “but that’s not a bad thing.”  He says I’m different from most people, and that those differences are hard for most people to process and accept.  He says he didn’t raise me to be like everyone else.  He raised me to be passionate about life, about love, about faith, and about who I am.  Both he and my moms have encouraged me to remain true to who I am and to not give up hope. 

From my perspective, the worst part about being me is that I believe in people.  I believe in what they say.  I take their words and actions to heart, and then I expect them to deliver.  And when they don’t, I am crushed and often gobsmacked.  And I feel like a fool for ever believing.  Deception and foolery is a terrible plague.  Saying to others what you think they want to hear because that is “easier,” is straight up wrong.  And becoming swayed by public input or expectations, rather than standing firm in what you know to be true about someone else or your relationships is equally as terrible.  No one wins when these things happen.

All of that said, I’m just doing my best to raise my little humans to be good adult humans.  And so I have taken these lessons learned, and started teaching them to my children at a young age, in the hopes they, too, will grow up to be “anomalies” just like me:

• Say what you mean, and mean what you say -  don’t dance around the content of your message
• Have the hard conversations, because they typically don’t get easier with time
• Extend compassion and be kind
• Give grace and forgive often
• Know your worth and find strength in both your successes and failings
• Listen with the intent to understand – this a fundamental core component of strong communication skills
• Be accountable and be able to admit when you are wrong
• Never stop growing and learning
• Have faith and believe in something good